their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
