YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
