It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
