I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
