I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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