Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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