you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
