So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
