Will you blow on my dice?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
