What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
