just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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