Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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