i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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