why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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