Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
