Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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