It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
