I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
