Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
