When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize