we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
