it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
