Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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