nut hugger
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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