then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
