i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
