it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just blew my weed a kiss
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
