my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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