absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
