I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
