She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
