who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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