Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
