Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize