Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
