So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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