life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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