When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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