I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
