OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
