it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
