Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
