we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
