Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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