walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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