During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
