If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He better not be in your backpack
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
