I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
