Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
