I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
