My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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