there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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