I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The power of my boobs compel you
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
