He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
