her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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