Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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