There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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