just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
