this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
