STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
