Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize