I haven't been this sober since birth.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize