I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
