Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
