its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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