i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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