I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
