Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
