The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
