So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
