so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
